They are fucking creepy.
Now, this may seem like a spider-bashing post AND IT FUCKING IS. Because they're creepy.
I bring this up, because it seems to be motherfucking spider appreciation year. From insane spider children in my restroom, to more spiders in my room, to giant Australian spiders that eats snakes, to that chinese lady who had a spider living in her fucking ear!
In her ear, people! This shit is so not cute.
And then I ran into THIS.
No. This is not acceptable. I simply refuse.
Just the other day, I had this dream about a gigantic black widow coming down from my ceiling and me trying to kill it with my sandal. I stepped on that horrible creature with intent to kill and its leg touched me. Then I woke up, but I'm assuming the dream should have ended with the thing trying to rip my face off and getting into a duel to the death with the were-alpaca outside my window, like all my dreams seem to end.
Why do spiders exist? Like are they here to give me heart attacks and bite my arms till they fall off? I get that they eat insects and shit, and it's cute, but we have Raid now. I don't need them any more; I can kill an insect. These spiders should not anywhere near my house, like ever.
STOP TRYING TO MAKE SPIDERS HAPPEN, MOTHER NATURE! THEY'RE NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!
Well, anyway, I'm trying this post off, since I'm making an extra special trip to Hogwarts tonight, to check if Salazar left any spare Basilisks lying around, 'cause I need one. He better had left at least one, since I have to go through Narnia, Middle Earth, several Hellmouths and that warehouse where the Ark of the Covenant is kept.
I need one of these.
(Also, I'm not dead. Lolz. I actually have a lot of shit to blog about, I just haven't had a chance! I will try my absolute best to blog consistently from now on! :D)